Burnt Toast Mom

Twenty twelve has just begun and has been spent mostly being lazy.  I think the best way to begin the year is with a bit of retrospect.  Two thousand and eleven will be known as the year I learned to love myself.  Anyone who has known me for a very long time knows that I have struggled with my weight.  I don't take compliments, personally or professionally, easily.  They make me uncomfortable.  I love my friends, family and co-workers for complementing me; don't misunderstand.  I just feel awkward...like I don't deserve it.  I don't know why; maybe it's that famous "Catholic guilt."

I decided in 2011 to stop being "burnt toast mom," settling for the burnt toast, second best, the leftovers, etc.  Sometimes I was successful.  Sometimes I wasn't.  I made more time for myself, made more effort to do things that I liked to do.  Tried to ignore guilt for not following the crowd and going my own way.  Tried to accept complements and believe that I had earned them.

What did I learn? 
1.  Sometimes, having nothing to do is the greatest luxury in the world.  
2.  A slightly messy house is not the end of the world. 
3.  Papers will get graded, eventually, and lesson plans will get written.  
4.  I'm not the only person I live with who can do laundry or empty and/or load the dishwasher or operate the vacuum.
5.  Yes, I deserve that pedicure and that new outfit and that glass of wine.
6.  The gym will be there tomorrow, and the day after that, too.

Finally, and most importantly, that I am important.  I deserve to be happy just the way I am.  I deserve to be loved and desired for who I am,  not for what anyone else might want me to be.   The really cool thing is that I get to keep working on this in 2012.  The only cruddy thing is that it took me 39 years of my life to figure this out!